101 rules

[Walkinghairball]

101 RULES OF CLASSIC ROCK

1. If it came out after 1980, it sucks.
2. If it came out after 1993, it should be thrown away or given to Goodwill.
3. If it?s British, its good.
4. If it?s American, be VERY skeptical.
5. If it?s Canadian, be a little afraid.
6. Your Bible, Declaration of Independence, and Constitution should be the Jimi Hendrix Experience?s ?Are You Experienced??.
7. If his name?s Jim, it?s all good.
8. If the guitarist in the band is not playing a Gibson, Rickenbacker, or Fender, it is probably garbage.
9. Your choices for male children?s names can only include: Jim, John, Ringo, George, Paul, Jimmy, Keith, Bonzo, Eric, Pete, and Geddy.
10. You must own at least 1 t-shirt with the British Union-Jack on it.
11. All conversations about albums with your current-music listening friends should end with "But It's not as good as ?Untitled? by Led Zeppelin".
12. Bob Dylan must be invited to your bands farewell concert.
13. You condemn Nirvana as: A maniac and a Fender gone horribly horribly wrong.
14. Neil Young and Lynyrd Skynyrd are never to be used in the same sentence.
15. If a song is built on a 4 power chord progression, skip track immediately.
16. No record collection is complete without: The Wall, Abbey Road, Sgt. Peppers Lonely Hearts Club, Who?s Next, Electric Ladyland, and Disraeli Gears.
17. No Grateful Dead listening session is complete without several hits of acid.
18. You condemn Oasis for claiming to be greater than the Beatles.
19. You maim any ?music fan? that says ?American Idiot? is either a good album OR rock opera.
20. You really DO think the Beatles are better than Jesus.
21. If you can?t hear the bass out from under the guitar, it?s not music.
22. Except for the Doors; Manzarek is a genius.
23. You must respond to yes or no questions with: ?Yes? Which album? Fragile or Close to the Edge??
24. Rick Wakeman is the king of the keyboard, and you would gladly bow in honor.
25. The beginning of ?Baba O? Reilly? is not annoying, it?s genious.
26. And on top of that, it?s ?Baba O?Reilly?, not ?Teenage Wasteland?.
27. Slipknot aren?t hardcore, they?re jokes.
28. Any bands that wear masks are not to be trusted.
29. You must shave off all your body hair after watching ?The Wall?.
30. Your only goal of a time machine is to be transported to Woodstock ?69.
31. For guys, if your hair is shorter than 5 inches, you?re not classic rock.
32. You must learn the intro to ?Stairway to Heaven? on as many instruments as possible.
33. The ?Smells Like Teenspirit? solo is not the greatest guitar solo ever recorded, no matter what your ?hip? friends may think
34. At your school beach dance, you must request ?D?Yer Ma?Ker? by Led Zeppelin.
35. You must insist Led Zeppelin were not influenced by J.R.R. Tolkien, J.R.R. Tolkien was influenced by Led Zeppelin.
36. The only plants you need to know is marijuana and Robert.
37. Having a poster of Freddie Mercury, Ginger Baker, Keith Richards, or John Entwistle above your bed is very cool.
38. No stop in Flint, Michigan is complete without visiting the Holiday Inn where Keith Moon drove a Cadillac into the pool.
39. Every classic rock fan must visit Jim Morrison?s grave in Paris.
40. No visit to New York is complete without seeing Strawberry Fields.
41. On your trip to the Kennedy Space Center, its cool to ask how to get to the "Dark Side of the Moon".
42. When in London, grab 3 of your closest friends (or random young gentlemen) and cross the Abbey Road.
43. The best ice cream on earth is Cherry Garcia.
44. You are attracted to any females named ?Layla?.
45. A guitar covered with stickers is not a happy one.
46. Mohawks, colored hair, or body pieircings are not cool.
47. Emo is just another word for ?whining?.
48. Punk was just a fad, rock will be reborn.
49. You shudder at the word ?grunge?.
50. 4 minutes solos ARE okay.
51. 10 minute solos are even better.
52. ?Disco? is a laughable word.
53. It?s okay to go and lie on the grass naked in the sun, if Pink Floyd is on.
54. MTV is evil.
55. VH1 is evil, although VH1 Classic is a godly channel.
56. Smashing music equipment was only cool when the Who did it, anyone else is a poser.
57. Geddy Lee?s voice is not annoying, it is the voice of angels crying in the night.
58. Schoolboy uniforms (with very short shorts) are acceptable gig attire.
59. Yes, violin bow on an electric guitar is genius.
60. No, Good Charlotte are not cool.
61. Yes, music died with John Bonham.
62. No, rap is not here to stay.
63. Left-handed guitars are for pussies, re-stringing them upside down is far cooler.
64. The bigger the drumset, the better the band.
65. ?Stairway to Heaven? is just as good backwards as forwards.
66. No, Paul isn?t dead.
67. No mix cd is complete without ?Bohemian Rhapsody?.
68. No guitarist but Jimmy Page should be allowed to wield a double-neck SG.
69. If you?re a vocalist, you?re only cool if you can spin your mic like Roger Daltrey.
70. ?Kashmir? sounds like a good place to live.
71. Jimi Hendrix is God, and Eric Clapton is Jesus.
72. You can?t eat a peach without thinking of the Allman Brothers.
73. Your parents are your music source.
74. If your friends like a current band, tell them they suck compared to the Beatles.
75. Rap = death of humanity.
76. Modern country = a complete joke.
77. Mods are definitely cooler than Punks.
78. You love the sound of silence.
79. Jimmy Page?s symbol makes an excellent signature.
80. A perfect school dance would be lying on mats listening to ?Wish You Were Here?.
81. Bands that never leave the 4/4 time signature suck.
82. If you don?t know your scales, you shouldn?t be allowed to touch a guitar.
83. Above 10 minute-length songs are awesome.
84. Blink 182 suck.
85. The only good pop-punk fan is a dead pop-punk fan.
86. ?Moby ****? is a cool song and book.
87. All knobs on guitars and amps should go to 11.
88. It?s ok to hum classic rock at all hours of the day.
89. Garage sales are great places to find music.
90. ?The Wizard of Oz? is only cool when synced with ?Dark Side of the Moon?.
91. Cookie monster vocals are not cool.
92. It's "Don't Fear the Reaper" and not "Don't Fear the Reefer".
93. On that note, the cowbell is a gorgeous and under-utilized percussion instrument.
94. The only ?Behind Blue Eyes? you know is the original.
95. Contrary to popular belief, Korn did not write ?Another Brick in the Wall?.
96. All you need to know about ?Money? you can learn from Pink Floyd.
97. We really don?t need no education.
98. Wish you were here.
99. Let it be.
100. We won?t get fooled again.
101. Classic rock is good for your mind, body and soul.

[awip2062]

When I first saw 101, I thought you were gonna give us rules for the highway. LOL But these are better!

[Walkinghairball]

Cool there was 2 Rush references there.

[Kares4Rush]

Lordy, Hair that list is GREAT!!!

I will go through it all in my head (scary) but on first "note" I noticed I absoLUTELY agree with the "Jimmy Hendrix Experience" one. Man!!! "Midnight Lightnening" (oops)

"Are you...Experienced? Have you ever been Experienced? Weeelll I Haavve." (Intertwining melodies on that geetar)

Hey! one of my FAVE Hendrix songs: "Fly on Little Wing"

*ding*

[Xanadu]

9. Your choices for male children?s names can only include: Jim, John, Ringo, George, Paul, Jimmy, Keith, Bonzo, Eric, Pete, and Geddy.

':-D'

15. If a song is built on a 4 power chord progression, skip track immediately.

':-D'

17. No Grateful Dead listening session is complete without several hits of acid.

':-D' ':-D' ':-D' ':-D' ':-D'

29. You must shave off all your body hair after watching ?The Wall?.

36. The only plants you need to know is marijuana and Robert.

':-D' ':-D' ':-D' ':-D' ':-D'

45. A guitar covered with stickers is not a happy one.

':-D' ':-D' ':-D' ':-D' ':-D'

54. MTV is evil.
55. VH1 is evil, although VH1 Classic is a godly channel.

Aye!

56. Smashing music equipment was only cool when the Who did it, anyone else is a poser.

aye

57. Geddy Lee?s voice is not annoying, it is the voice of angels crying in the night.

':-D' ':-D' ':-D' ':-D' ':-D'

70. ?Kashmir? sounds like a good place to live.

Yep.

80. A perfect school dance would be lying on mats listening to ?Wish You Were Here?.

Yep, minus the being at school part.

81. Bands that never leave the 4/4 time signature suck.

':-D' ':-D' ':-D' ':-D' ':-D'

83. Above 10 minute-length songs are awesome.

Aye.

90. ?The Wizard of Oz? is only cool when synced with ?Dark Side of the Moon?.

Aye Same w/ Willy Wonka and 2112

[Kares4Rush]

Xanadu is Koo!!!

READ this list again! It's fugging GREAT!!!

(gotta go kill Meatloaf again...t, you with me? )

[D'Anconia]

Where did this come from?

[Walkinghairball]

Where did this come from?

What the list?

I stole it from another forum.

How you like me now?!?!?!?!

[awip2062]

Kares, I am SO with you!

Bro, we loved ya already.

[schuette]

How did I miss this!!!

10. You must own at least 1 t-shirt with the British Union-Jack on it.

sorry Ogg...but I will never buy anything with an Union Jack on it

16. No record collection is complete without: The Wall, Abbey Road, Sgt. Peppers Lonely Hearts Club, Who?s Next, Electric Ladyland, and Disraeli Gears.

4 out of 5...doing not bad.....btw I'm gonna have to listen to Disraeli Gears again

18. You condemn Oasis for claiming to be greater than the Beatles.

apart from 2 tracks I condemn Oasis for breathing!

19. You maim any ?music fan? that says ?American Idiot? is either a good album OR rock opera.

somebody maim me

22. Except for the Doors; Manzarek is a genius.

37. Having a poster of Freddie Mercury, Ginger Baker, Keith Richards, or John Entwistle above your bed is very cool.

Freddie Mercury...your a gaydo
Ginger Baker ...come on the guy was ugly
Keith Richards...see above
John Entwistle...would rather have Keith Moon

46. Mohawks, colored hair, or body pieircings are not cool.

HEY!!...not true

58. Schoolboy uniforms (with very short shorts) are acceptable gig attire.

sorry only Angus gets away with this...everyone else looks like a tosser

67. No mix cd is complete without ?Bohemian Rhapsody?.

I am so sick of this song!!!

73. Your parents are your music source.

aye that's why I love Doris Day and Sidney Devine

77. Mods are definitely cooler than Punks.

away to fuck

94. The only ?Behind Blue Eyes? you know is the original.

oh dear..I like Limp Bizkit's version...

98. Wish you were here.

that I do...

[Walkinghairball]

Wow, another resurrected thread.

[schuette]

I wanted to see how many threads I missed when I wasnt online that much

[CygnusX1]

I liked the list, but saw nowhere where it was mandatory to attend at least ONE Blue Oyster Cult show as a right-of-passage...hahaha

Oh, here's one to add to Modern Country...

102. Modern Country IS Classic Rock....theryago