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Political or semi-political ha ha's
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Sir Myghin



Joined: 13 Nov 2003
Posts: 9184
Location: Ontario, Canada

PostPosted: Fri Jan 22, 2010 8:45 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

HA! that one is good cyg
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YYZ30



Joined: 17 Mar 2004
Posts: 6234

PostPosted: Fri Jan 22, 2010 8:57 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

CygnusX1 wrote:
Nancy Pelosi was touring the countryside in a chauffeur-driven car....

Suddenly, a cow jumps out into the road! They hit it - full on, and the car
comes to a stop.

Nancy, in her usual charming manner, says to the chauffeur,
"You get out and check - you were driving."

The chauffeur gets out, checks, and reports that the animal is dead - but it
was old.

"You were driving....Go and tell the farmer!" says Nancy.

Two hours later, the chauffeur returns - totally plastered, hair ruffled and
a BIG grin on his face.


"My God, what happened to you?" asks Nancy.

The chauffeur replies: 'When I got there, the farmer opened his best
bottle of single-malt whiskey, the wife gave me a slap-up meal and the
daughter made sweeeet love to me.'

"What on Earth did you say to them?" asks Nancy.


"I just knocked on the door, and when it was answered I said to them:

'I'm Nancy Pelosi?s chauffeur, and I've just killed the old cow.' "



LMFAOOOOOOOOO
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Big Blue Owl



Joined: 17 Aug 2006
Posts: 7469
Location: Somewhere between the darkness and the light

PostPosted: Tue Jan 26, 2010 7:44 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hahahaha!

Moo...
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Walkinghairball



Joined: 21 Apr 2004
Posts: 25118
Location: In a rock an roll venue near you....as long as you are in the Pacific Northwest.

PostPosted: Fri Feb 05, 2010 11:33 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sometime this year, we taxpayers will again receive an Economic Stimulus payment. This is a very exciting program. I'll explain it using the Q and A format:


Q. What is an Economic Stimulus payment?

A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.


Q. Where will the government get this money?

A. From taxpayers.


Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?

A. Only a smidgen.


Q. What is the purpose of this payment?

A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.


Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?

A. Shut up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:

. If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China .

. If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.

. If you purchase a computer, it will go to India .

. If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico , Honduras and Guatemala .

. If you buy a car, it will go to Japan or Korea .

. If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan .

. If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.

Instead, keep the money in America by:

1.. spending it at yard sales, or

2. going to ball games, or

3. spending it on prostitutes, or

4. domestic beer or

5. tattoos.
(These are the only American businesses still operating in the US .)

Recommendation:
Go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day.
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CygnusX1



Joined: 05 Oct 2005
Posts: 17336
Location: We don't call 911 here.

PostPosted: Fri Apr 16, 2010 6:42 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

SCIENTISTS DISCOVER NEW ELEMENT - Governmentium

Oxford University researchers have discovered the heaviest element yet
known to science. The new element, Governmentium (symbol=Gv), has
one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons and 198 assistant
deputy
neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are
surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called pillocks.

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be
detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into
contact.

A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction (that would
normally take less than a second) to take from 4 days to 4 years to
complete. Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2 to 6 years. It does
not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganisation in which a portion of
the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since
each reorganisation will cause more morons to become neutrons,
forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some
scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons
reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as
a critical morass. When catalysed with money, Governmentium becomes
Administratium (symbol=Ad), an element that radiates just as much
energy as Governmentium, since it has half as many pillocks but twice as
many morons.

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zepboy



Joined: 10 Nov 2006
Posts: 6772
Location: Lookin for a place.

PostPosted: Fri Apr 16, 2010 8:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Bully!!! Well done, my lad!!!
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CygnusX1



Joined: 05 Oct 2005
Posts: 17336
Location: We don't call 911 here.

PostPosted: Tue Apr 20, 2010 5:25 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

This morning I went to sign my dogs up for welfare.

At first, the lady said, "Dogs are not eligible to draw welfare."

I explained to her that my dogs are unemployed, lazy, can't speak a word
of English, have no frigging clue who their daddies are, expect me to
feed them, provide them with housing and medical care, and feel guilty
because they are dogs.


She looked in her policy book to see what it takes to qualify.

My dogs get their first check Friday.

Damn this is a great country.
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CygnusX1



Joined: 05 Oct 2005
Posts: 17336
Location: We don't call 911 here.

PostPosted: Thu Apr 29, 2010 5:53 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

The Centers for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new,
virulent strain of an old American disease. The disease is called
Gonorrhea Lectim. It's pronounced "Gonna re-elect 'em," and
it is a terrible obamanation.

The disease is contracted through dangerous and high-risk behaviors
including, but not limited to, forcibly placing your cranium up your butt.

Many victims contracted it in early 2008. However, most people - after
having been infected for the past 1 to 2 years - are starting to realize
how destructive this sickness really is.

It's totally preventable, since Gonorrhea Lectim is easily cured with
an encouraging new drug just coming on the market called Votemout.

Take the first Votemout dose in 2010, the second dose in 2012
and simply don't engage in such behavior again.

Otherwise, it could become permanent - and eventually wipe out all of
the American republic as we know it.


Several states are already on top of this, like Virginia, New Jersey and
Massachusetts;
with many more seeing the writing on the wall.

Please pass this important message on to all the bright folk you really
care about.
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Walkinghairball



Joined: 21 Apr 2004
Posts: 25118
Location: In a rock an roll venue near you....as long as you are in the Pacific Northwest.

PostPosted: Fri Apr 29, 2011 2:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

THIS JUST IN:

Playboy reportedly offered Sarah Palin $4,000,000 to pose nude in an upcoming issue.

Michelle Obama was offered $50 by National Geographic.

In other news... we all remember when KFC offered a "Hillary" meal, consisting of 2 small breasts and 2 large thighs.

Now, KFC is offering the "Obama Cabinet Bucket". It consists of nothing but left wings and assholes.

Just keeping you up to date.
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awip2062



Joined: 13 Nov 2003
Posts: 25543

PostPosted: Tue May 03, 2011 9:56 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

The jokes here give me a chuckle amd make me sad all at the same time.

Did anyone see the polotical cartoon this weekend with the white trash? The man said that the Royal Wedding was so about them because a woman who had hardly had a job in her life married a guy who has been living off the state all of his? LOL
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CygnusX1



Joined: 05 Oct 2005
Posts: 17336
Location: We don't call 911 here.

PostPosted: Tue May 03, 2011 10:44 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

She comes from a coal mining family. God bless 'em.

William knows a good woman when he sees one.

No difference in her family then a coal mining family in West Virginia.

I married a coal miner's daughter. I'm the son of a coal miner. Our
generation was the first NOT have to work in the mines. Our parents
made sure of it.

They are God-fearin' and straight-talkin' people. They'd give you the shirt
off of their back if you needed it.

People think they're backwards and stupid because the old timers don't
trust the gub-mint....Well, just how stupid are they? Really?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wk4PB8rHjq4

They can call her family (or mine) white trash or anything else they want.

All they can do (over there) is LIKE IT now. hahaha

"Dude...paddle faster...I hear BANJOS"

On a lighter note, while watching the wedding and making jokes about
a "dog-and-pony-show," my Aunt e-mailed me and "reminded"
(read: scolded) me that my great-great granny was BRITISH.

After a big horkin' plate of crow, I took the ceremony a bit more seriously.
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awip2062



Joined: 13 Nov 2003
Posts: 25543

PostPosted: Tue May 03, 2011 1:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

My godmother loved the wedding. She watched it and rewatched it. Her mom was the child of English immigrants and she grew up with a love for such things.
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CygnusX1



Joined: 05 Oct 2005
Posts: 17336
Location: We don't call 911 here.

PostPosted: Thu May 05, 2011 7:46 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

h/t to newsbusters.org

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eYqSERM9X3E&feature=player_embedded#at=141
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CygnusX1



Joined: 05 Oct 2005
Posts: 17336
Location: We don't call 911 here.

PostPosted: Fri May 13, 2011 7:29 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Today I met a fairy....

She said she would grant me one wish.

"I want to live forever," I said.

"Sorry," said the fairy, "I'm not allowed to grant wishes like that!"

"Fine," I said, "then I want to die as soon as Congress gets their heads
out of their asses."



"You crafty bastard" said the fairy.
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CygnusX1



Joined: 05 Oct 2005
Posts: 17336
Location: We don't call 911 here.

PostPosted: Tue Aug 16, 2011 10:08 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Words cannot express my opinion of the young, future liberal, zombie
mindset of the left coast.

See for yourself:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CMNry4PE93Y


There goes 30 more seconds of my life I'll never get back. lol
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