From the Doc's PM File

EndlesslyRocking · Post by **EndlesslyRocking** » Fri May 21, 2004 1:44 pm

I get PM's.

I get them quite frequently. Happens to me all the time. "Hey I don't mean to bother you, but my friend is having this problem, and..."

Now don't get me wrong. I don't mind one bit. Comes with the territory, and I enjoy helping people. But this morning, I had a thought: why not share these with the board, so all may benefit and learn from the exchanges? Here's an example (with the author's identity hidden for the purposes of confidentiality):

Question

Hey Doc, I have a problem maybe you could help me with. I recently relocated from the deep South to a Northern City, and I am completely baffled. Not one bar here sells "Granny's XXX", I can't find Gator Meat anywhere, and the only thing "blackened" is my heart from homesickness. I'm afraid I'll never achieve my goal of being a "double-naught" spy. What should I do? I already done sold my double-wide!

My Response

Homesickness is perfectly natural in your circumstances. Try to bring a little bit of home to where you are. Spend the weekend watching NASCAR, put your car up on blocks in the front yard, and maybe see if your second cousin Essie May can come up for a "visit". Just because you've changed locations doesn't mean you have to give up everything/one you love. And don't give up your dreams either!

As more PM's come in, I'll post responses for all of you to enjoy and learn from.

*Lifesonite · Post by *Lifesonite » Fri May 21, 2004 3:07 pm

Oh! Half the fun will be guessing who it is! That one was By-Tor!! What do I win?

EndlesslyRocking · Post by **EndlesslyRocking** » Fri May 21, 2004 3:51 pm

*Lifesonite wrote:Oh! Half the fun will be guessing who it is! That one was By-Tor!! What do I win?

Now, now. Anonimity is the key here. We're not trying to make fun of anyone...

Here's another one:

Question

Hi ER. I'm racked with guilt and don't know what to do.
*I was recently voted the Sexiest Man on By-Tor.com, but it's all a sham. The picture *I showed everyone is my neighbor Jeff. In reality, *I'm 5'1" with a hunchback and a peg-leg from a terrible Big Wheel accident in childhood. *I have awful skin from peanut allergies. When you add the excema, dandruff, goiter, and the ravages of venereal diseases picked up during "business trips" to the Orient, it is not a pretty picture. Everyone here knows you are the sexiest man around, and *I cannot live with the guilt and shame any longer. Whatever shall *I do?

My Response

I appreciate your honesty, even if it is a bit belated. Try not to beat yourself up. Everyone has problems, and everyone can use a self-esteem boost now and again. Besides, it sounds like all you need is $40-50,000 worth of medical care, and you'll be almost normal. Keep the faith, my friend!

Sir Myghin · Post by **Sir Myghin** » Fri May 21, 2004 4:06 pm

lol, thats humourous, so its obviously by-tor and me so far your making fun of eh?

EndlesslyRocking · Post by **EndlesslyRocking** » Fri May 21, 2004 4:14 pm

Sir Myghin wrote:lol, thats humourous, so its obviously by-tor and me so far your making fun of eh?

I'm not making fun of anyone.

I'm just trying to help.

Helping people is what I do.

It's who I am.

*Lifesonite · Post by *Lifesonite » Fri May 21, 2004 4:21 pm

EndlesslyRocking wrote:
I'm not making fun of anyone.

I'm just trying to help.

Helping people is what I do.

It's who I am.

What a ruse!

Sir Myghin · Post by **Sir Myghin** » Fri May 21, 2004 4:23 pm

*Lifesonite wrote:
EndlesslyRocking wrote:
I'm not making fun of anyone.

I'm just trying to help.

Helping people is what I do.

It's who I am.

What a ruse!

o keep it up, this stuff is hilarious

Aerosmitten · Post by **Aerosmitten** » Sat May 22, 2004 12:02 am

LOL!

*Stalking Lnite and SMD*

schuette · Post by **schuette** » Sat May 22, 2004 9:59 am

gie's us more Endless

EndlesslyRocking · Post by **EndlesslyRocking** » Sat May 22, 2004 12:09 pm

I'm always glad to share with my fellow RUSH fans. Just think of me like the Board's Frasier: I'm listening....

Question

Hello, ER. One of your recent PM's really got to me, and I thought I'd share something I haven't shared with anyone. Something that could destroy me if it were ever discovered.

You see, even though I appear to be an average, middle of the road conservative from Utah, the truth is: I'm in love with Hillary Clinton.

Oh, sure I talk a big game. I play the part of concerned patriotic citizen, the middle aged white guy set in his ways. But when I hear sweet Hillary discussing the socialization of medicine I get all goose-bumpy. When I hear her beautiful voice talking about pro-choice, pro-envirnment issues, I just want to put on my Birkenstocks and have a soy burger. I've even secretly joined the ACLU. Last night, I actually found myself considering a trip to Berkeley and San Francisco for my next vacation. I can't get her brilliance or beauty out of my head. No matter what I might say in public, I know she's right about everything.

Now to make matters worse, I've started having dreams about a threesome with me, Hillary, and Barbara Boxer. If my neighbors found out any of this, I'd be kicked off the block. What should I do??

My Response

Dear Closeted Liberal,

I feel your pain. Change is scary, even when it is obviously the right thing to do. Your liberal impulses will soon take over at an unconscious level. If you don't face up to this, you'll find yourself barefoot at poetry readings, smoking a doobie and snapping your fingers, and you won't even remember why.

Take it from me: come out now. Those who love you will understand. Those that don't, never really loved you to begin with.

awip2062 · Post by **awip2062** » Sat May 22, 2004 2:55 pm

ROFLMAO!

ER you rock! \m/

Medinaquirin · Post by **Medinaquirin** » Sat May 22, 2004 6:05 pm

I just choked on my biscuit.

EndlesslyRocking · Post by **EndlesslyRocking** » Sat May 22, 2004 9:31 pm

Here's one that came in recently, from a Spudly Board Member...

Question

Hello ER,

I feel like I'm trapped in Peyton Place and don't know what it is all about.
The answers to my questions seem to get rapped up in art becoming reality.

Signed,

Scared for the world

and then...

to follow up my privious questions because I always have questions wondering about doubt? As it is in reality life is love having friends to pull you through the Jim Morrison rants.

My response

I had a client who was convinced she was on All My Children. After six months of treatment, I discovered she was telling the truth.

You just never know.

And always remember these profound words from the great Jim Morrison:

"Ode to my co--, sore and crucified. I seek to know you."

They will guide you through the dark times...

Aerosmitten · Post by **Aerosmitten** » Sun May 23, 2004 1:38 am

Before I die, I want to hear the scream...of the butterfly.

EndlesslyRocking · Post by **EndlesslyRocking** » Sun May 23, 2004 8:24 am

The PM's continue to roll in. Keep up the good work, folks.

Question

Good morning ER. Lately I've been very unhappy. You see, I just turned 18, and I feel like I'm lost. I don't know what to do.

You see, I put on this tough front for people. I act like I enjoy independence and creativity, free thinking and hard rock. I tell people I enjoy "scaring normies", but it is all a lie.

In truth, I yearn to be a real girly-girl. I want to wear pretty pink ribbons in my hair. I want to wear frilly dresses and Mary Kay make-up. I want to join the Republican party and settle down in the suburbs with a nice young man who'll take care of me. We'd have a nice house with a white picket fence and 2.3 children.

I don't really have any desire for adventure or upheavel. I want to take bubble baths and listen to my hidden collection of Kenny G albums. I want to drink tea and go window shopping. I want to cook and clean and raise children. I want to eat bon-bons and watch soap operas.

I'm afraid if my mother discovered that I'm really...normal...she'd lose it. She's tried to be so understanding of my persona, but it's not really me! I keep my copies of Good Housekeeping hidden under my bed so she doesn't find them. What should I do?

My Response

I understand where you're coming from. Every child has to confront the difference between their dreams and their parents' expectations when they grow up.

The great author Kurt Vonnegut Jr. warned us once: "Be careful of who you pretend to be." In other words, you cannot truly be anything other than who you really are. Ditch the all black wardrobe and heavy metal music. Sure you're friends will think you've gone straight and square, but you'll have all kinds of new friends: Girl Scouts, Job's Daughters, Junior Achievement League. You'll meet a nice boy with a pocket protector and tape holding his glasses together. You'll fall in love over a latte at Starbucks. You'll go to Bible study and learn to feel horribly guilty for all of this, which is really what God wants anyway.

Only then, when you've settled into a nice long, never-changing, never- ending rut, will you be truly happy.

From the Doc's PM File

From the Doc's PM File

*Stalking Dr ER*

Stalking Dr ER