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The Joke thread
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Walkinghairball



Joined: 21 Apr 2004
Posts: 25118
Location: In a rock an roll venue near you....as long as you are in the Pacific Northwest.

PostPosted: Fri Apr 16, 2010 11:08 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

History's top 10 times for appropriate use of the F-word:


10th - "Scattered fucking showers, my ass!" - Noah, 4314 BC

9th - "How the fuck did you work that out?" - Pythagoras, 126 BC

8th - "You want WHAT on the fucking ceiling?" - Michelangelo, 1566

7th - "Where did all those fucking Indians come from?" - Custer, 1877

6th - "It does so fucking look like her!" - Picasso, 1926

5th - "Where the fuck are we?" ? Amelia Earhart, 1937

4th - "Any fucking idiot could understand that." - Einstein, 1938

3rd - "What the fuck was that?" - Mayor Of Hiroshima , 1945

2nd - "I need this parade like I need a fucking hole in the head!" - JFK, 1963

AND ... drum roll please ...

The Number 1 most appropriate time for using the "F" word ......

"Aw c'mon. Who the fuck is gonna find out?" - Tiger Woods, 2009
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zepboy



Joined: 10 Nov 2006
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Location: Lookin for a place.

PostPosted: Fri Apr 16, 2010 9:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

^^^^^^^^
Oh dude . . . . roflmfao!!!!!
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Walkinghairball



Joined: 21 Apr 2004
Posts: 25118
Location: In a rock an roll venue near you....as long as you are in the Pacific Northwest.

PostPosted: Sat Apr 17, 2010 11:27 am    Post subject: Reply with quote


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zepboy



Joined: 10 Nov 2006
Posts: 6772
Location: Lookin for a place.

PostPosted: Wed Aug 04, 2010 7:05 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

A guy walks into his shrink's office wearing nothing but a few layers of cellophane wrap. The shrink exclaims, "I can plainly see you're nuts!"
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CygnusX1



Joined: 05 Oct 2005
Posts: 17336
Location: We don't call 911 here.

PostPosted: Wed Aug 04, 2010 8:39 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm hiding out here until the heat dies down...

It's all my fault...

Sigette asked me what was on the TV this morning as I left for work...

I said, "dust."

Move over Rover, and let the big dog in.
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Walkinghairball



Joined: 21 Apr 2004
Posts: 25118
Location: In a rock an roll venue near you....as long as you are in the Pacific Northwest.

PostPosted: Wed Aug 04, 2010 8:50 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

@ Zep........LMAO!!!

@ Cyg............LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!! Yer soooooooooooooo dusted!!!!! Razz
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Raiden



Joined: 06 Nov 2008
Posts: 637
Location: Earthrealm

PostPosted: Wed Aug 04, 2010 4:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

A Scotsman was drinking at a pub all night. When he got up to leave, he fell flat on his face. He tried to stand again, but to no avail, falling flat on his face. He decided to crawl outside and get some fresh air to see whether that would sober him up. Once outside, he stood up and, sure enough, fell flat on his face. So, being a practical Scot, he crawled all the way home.

When he got to the door, he stood up yet again, but fell flat on his face. He crawled through the door into his bedroom. When he reached his bed, he tried once more to stand upright. This time he managed to pull himself to his feet but fell into bed. He was sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

He woke the next morning to his wife shaking him and shouting, "So, ye've been oot drinkin' as usual!" "Why would ye say that?" he complained innocently.

"Because the pub called an' ye left yer wheelchair there again!"
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awip2062



Joined: 13 Nov 2003
Posts: 25543

PostPosted: Sun Feb 27, 2011 3:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Q. Why did they have so much trouble burying Bob Marley?
A. His coffin kept jammin'
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zepboy



Joined: 10 Nov 2006
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PostPosted: Sun Feb 27, 2011 6:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dja hear about the guy they found dead floating in a bathtub full of milk and corn flakes? Police believe it was a cereal murder.
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CygnusX1



Joined: 05 Oct 2005
Posts: 17336
Location: We don't call 911 here.

PostPosted: Mon Feb 28, 2011 5:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Two mixed-breed mutts are running full speed down a gravel country road...

The lead dog is kicking up rocks, and the trailing dog is dodging them and
choking on the lead dog's dust at the same time.

The lead dog turns his head and hollers, "Aint this a b*tch?"

The trailing dog clears his dusty throat and barks back:





wait for it....





wait for it....





"IT BETTER BE!"
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Walkinghairball



Joined: 21 Apr 2004
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Location: In a rock an roll venue near you....as long as you are in the Pacific Northwest.

PostPosted: Fri Mar 11, 2011 10:11 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

How much cocaine does Charlie Sheen snort a day???









Enough to kill two and a half men.
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Soup4Rush



Joined: 13 Nov 2003
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 11, 2011 11:33 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

bada bing bada boom!!!
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awip2062



Joined: 13 Nov 2003
Posts: 25543

PostPosted: Sat Mar 12, 2011 4:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Walkinghairball wrote:
How much cocaine does Charlie Sheen snort a day???









Enough to kill two and a half men.


Ohhhhhhh...ouch! The truth hurts, or at least it should in this case!
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Xanadu



Joined: 14 Nov 2003
Posts: 7879
Location: My vortex.

PostPosted: Wed Mar 23, 2011 9:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I can't stand that asshole...how much crack does he smoke when he runs out of the powder?
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CygnusX1



Joined: 05 Oct 2005
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Location: We don't call 911 here.

PostPosted: Wed Mar 30, 2011 4:12 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I was hangin' out with the wife, enjoying a cold one and I said softly:

"I love you......"

She asks, "Is that you or the beer talking?"

I said, "It's me............. talking to the beer." Razz



The doc says I'll be back on my feet in a day or two. Embarassed
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