I can't stress enoough over how some people think the articles I write are real
I will make fun of political figures as well, so don't get all mad if I make fun of Bush or Kerry.
Enjoy
The Satire Daily News
Moderator: Priests of Syrinx
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Big Brother
- Posts: 104
- Joined: Thu Jul 29, 2004 10:59 pm
- Location: Oceania
The Satire Daily News
Disclaimer
I can't stress enoough over how some people think the articles I write are real
I will make fun of political figures as well, so don't get all mad if I make fun of Bush or Kerry.
Enjoy
I can't stress enoough over how some people think the articles I write are real
I will make fun of political figures as well, so don't get all mad if I make fun of Bush or Kerry.
Enjoy
Last edited by Big Brother on Sat Aug 28, 2004 8:25 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Big Brother
- Posts: 104
- Joined: Thu Jul 29, 2004 10:59 pm
- Location: Oceania
Distraction by the opposition costs the US mens basketball team the gold!
The United States loses in the semi-final game to a superior Argentine team today with the score of 88-81.
But the most shocking story is what caused the loss
With a minute to go in the fourth and final quarter, Manu Ginobili of Argentina, begins to masturbate, as seen in the picture above on the left, leaving US players horrifyed and dismayed. Tim Duncan's reaction to this tasteless act is a testament to the horror as he is also pictured here on the right.
"We just couldn't concentrate" says Allen Iverson. "He just kept going at it, and we did not realize the clock was still running."
The United States will have a chance to win the bronze on Saturday against a team than recently defeated them, Lithuania.
-Big Brother
The United States loses in the semi-final game to a superior Argentine team today with the score of 88-81.
But the most shocking story is what caused the loss
With a minute to go in the fourth and final quarter, Manu Ginobili of Argentina, begins to masturbate, as seen in the picture above on the left, leaving US players horrifyed and dismayed. Tim Duncan's reaction to this tasteless act is a testament to the horror as he is also pictured here on the right.
"We just couldn't concentrate" says Allen Iverson. "He just kept going at it, and we did not realize the clock was still running."
The United States will have a chance to win the bronze on Saturday against a team than recently defeated them, Lithuania.
-Big Brother
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Big Brother
- Posts: 104
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- Location: Oceania
The President wins an impromptu special olympics 100m run.
Bush had only planned to be a spectator at the event for mentally challenged children.
One of the special kids was feeling sick and could not participate.
"At first I though the president was running in the race to cheer on the special needs children." Says one spectator.
"I had no idea he was actually running to win!"
After winning the race the president spoke with reporters.
"This should show the world not to mess with W!"
When asked to comment about the event, John McCain quietly muttered a few words saying,
"Thank Jesus Dick Cheney's running the country."
-Big Brother
Bush had only planned to be a spectator at the event for mentally challenged children.
One of the special kids was feeling sick and could not participate.
"At first I though the president was running in the race to cheer on the special needs children." Says one spectator.
"I had no idea he was actually running to win!"
After winning the race the president spoke with reporters.
"This should show the world not to mess with W!"
When asked to comment about the event, John McCain quietly muttered a few words saying, "Thank Jesus Dick Cheney's running the country."
-Big Brother
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Big Brother
- Posts: 104
- Joined: Thu Jul 29, 2004 10:59 pm
- Location: Oceania
The AbuGraib Experience
An American soldier greets Iraqis eagerly awaiting the grand
re-opening of the AbuGraib prison.
"These people are celebrating their freedom, the freedom to enjoy a good torture after a long day of prayer."
-Donald Rumsfeld
In Najaf, Sadr's militia agreed to a cease fire to allow pilgrimage from Najaf to AbuGraib.
This reporter was accused of cutting in line and was, as a result, roughed up by several people who had been waiting in line for hours and in some cases, days.
-Big Brother
An American soldier greets Iraqis eagerly awaiting the grand
re-opening of the AbuGraib prison.
"These people are celebrating their freedom, the freedom to enjoy a good torture after a long day of prayer."
-Donald Rumsfeld
In Najaf, Sadr's militia agreed to a cease fire to allow pilgrimage from Najaf to AbuGraib.
This reporter was accused of cutting in line and was, as a result, roughed up by several people who had been waiting in line for hours and in some cases, days.
-Big Brother
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Big Brother
- Posts: 104
- Joined: Thu Jul 29, 2004 10:59 pm
- Location: Oceania
John Kerry the Flip Flopper?
We all know John Kerry is a member of the senate who is running for president.
He also has been known to flip flop on the issues.
However, that "FlipFlop" title has been placed on him for reasons other than political.
Here we see George W. Bush being told Kerry's secret by senator Ted Kennedy.
"That John Kerry's always been a real jokester!' says Kennedy, 'Every time we were on break he'd head to the mens restroom and flip flop his "limp bizkit" saying he'd been having trouble getting it up. Of course this is in the pre-viagra days."
"I remember Bob Dole had the same problem, until I suggested he should start holding something stiff like a pen or pencil. That really gave him the confidence to run for president in 1996." -Rudy Giuliani (pictured below)
When asked if he was still a Flip Flopper Kerry responded, "I stand "FIRM" *wink wink* on the issues."
-Big Brother
We all know John Kerry is a member of the senate who is running for president.
He also has been known to flip flop on the issues.
However, that "FlipFlop" title has been placed on him for reasons other than political.
Here we see George W. Bush being told Kerry's secret by senator Ted Kennedy.
"That John Kerry's always been a real jokester!' says Kennedy, 'Every time we were on break he'd head to the mens restroom and flip flop his "limp bizkit" saying he'd been having trouble getting it up. Of course this is in the pre-viagra days."
"I remember Bob Dole had the same problem, until I suggested he should start holding something stiff like a pen or pencil. That really gave him the confidence to run for president in 1996." -Rudy Giuliani (pictured below)
When asked if he was still a Flip Flopper Kerry responded, "I stand "FIRM" *wink wink* on the issues."
-Big Brother
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Big Brother
- Posts: 104
- Joined: Thu Jul 29, 2004 10:59 pm
- Location: Oceania
The Big Brother retrospective series part 1
(Originally submitted on DIOFANS.COM, my first article)
Bush survives several attempts on his life!
In a recent television interview, president George W. Bush has declared all bicycles
"...Evil doers, and enemies of freedom that threaten our very way of life!"
This comes in light of the president's recent bike riding debacle...
"...That bicycle hates freedom!" George W. Bush
Secretary of Defence Donald Rumsfeld
"We're obviously dealing with a terrorist cell...it is a damn shame that al Quaeda has managed to rally even inanimate objects to it's cause."
Such incidents have occured before: The Great pretzel incident....
As it was reported on CNN news...
"Earlier today the secret service foiled the plans of a hijacker who attempted to sabotage Air Force One...and tried to choke the president to death..."
The pretzel in question, Bredanni Al-Saltehd
"Not all pretzels are bad, their religion is one of tolerance, and understanding."
A somber Bush reflects on his brush with death
"This one just happened to socialize with a bad batch...But make no mistake about it, we will find and prosecute those responsible..." George W. Bush
Big Brother
(Originally submitted on DIOFANS.COM, my first article)
Bush survives several attempts on his life!
In a recent television interview, president George W. Bush has declared all bicycles
"...Evil doers, and enemies of freedom that threaten our very way of life!"
This comes in light of the president's recent bike riding debacle...
"...That bicycle hates freedom!" George W. Bush
Secretary of Defence Donald Rumsfeld
"We're obviously dealing with a terrorist cell...it is a damn shame that al Quaeda has managed to rally even inanimate objects to it's cause."
Such incidents have occured before: The Great pretzel incident....
As it was reported on CNN news...
"Earlier today the secret service foiled the plans of a hijacker who attempted to sabotage Air Force One...and tried to choke the president to death..."
The pretzel in question, Bredanni Al-Saltehd
"Not all pretzels are bad, their religion is one of tolerance, and understanding."
A somber Bush reflects on his brush with death
"This one just happened to socialize with a bad batch...But make no mistake about it, we will find and prosecute those responsible..." George W. Bush
Big Brother
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Big Brother
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- Location: Oceania
Candidates for Man of the Year Award announced!
Saddam Hussein
Michael Jackson
Scott Peterson
Satan
Due to last year's controvercy surrounding Jesus Christ's alleged bribing of the magazines voters, he has been disqualifyed from the ballot and can no longer participate until the investigation has ended.
-Big Brother
Saddam Hussein
Michael Jackson
Scott Peterson
Satan
Due to last year's controvercy surrounding Jesus Christ's alleged bribing of the magazines voters, he has been disqualifyed from the ballot and can no longer participate until the investigation has ended.
-Big Brother
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Big Brother
- Posts: 104
- Joined: Thu Jul 29, 2004 10:59 pm
- Location: Oceania
Mass Abortion Scheduled in NY!
An abortions rights group is threatening to perform mass self abortion during the GOP convention in New York. The number of women who will participate is estimated between 500-600.
"We want to show the president that we are not going to stand by and let him take our rights away!" Moments later she was arrested for giving birth and leaving the child in a trash bin.
Below is a picture of other women slated to be a part of the mass abortion once the convention starts heating up.
"Show me some fetus ladies!"
Doctor Nowitzall
Stem cell researchers are also going to be at the protest to collect the various fetus' and embryos to be taken to Europe where there is less restriction to do Stem research.
"I'm going to have my cooler ready, it's going to be difficult no doubt, and unfortunately some of the unborn will be stepped on."
"I hope all goes well at the mass abortion, I'm counting on those embryos!" -Christopher Reeves
More Updates to come
-Big Brother
An abortions rights group is threatening to perform mass self abortion during the GOP convention in New York. The number of women who will participate is estimated between 500-600.
"We want to show the president that we are not going to stand by and let him take our rights away!" Moments later she was arrested for giving birth and leaving the child in a trash bin.
Below is a picture of other women slated to be a part of the mass abortion once the convention starts heating up.
"Show me some fetus ladies!"
Doctor NowitzallStem cell researchers are also going to be at the protest to collect the various fetus' and embryos to be taken to Europe where there is less restriction to do Stem research.
"I'm going to have my cooler ready, it's going to be difficult no doubt, and unfortunately some of the unborn will be stepped on."
"I hope all goes well at the mass abortion, I'm counting on those embryos!" -Christopher Reeves
More Updates to come
-Big Brother
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Big Brother
- Posts: 104
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- Location: Oceania
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Big Brother
- Posts: 104
- Joined: Thu Jul 29, 2004 10:59 pm
- Location: Oceania
Previous Story removed.
I thought I went a little too far on that last one So it has been removed.
The Picture of Sabrina Harman with an iraqi man in what seems to be a body bag caused a bit of a ruckus in another forum. Little did I know the iraqi man shown in the picture was dead
I apologize (Not really
) if I offended anyone
New material is brewin in this ol' brain
I thought I went a little too far on that last one
So it has been removed.The Picture of Sabrina Harman with an iraqi man in what seems to be a body bag caused a bit of a ruckus in another forum. Little did I know the iraqi man shown in the picture was dead
I apologize (Not really
) if I offended anyone New material is brewin in this ol' brain
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Aerosmitten
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*Lifesonite
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Oh no, reality!Big Brother wrote:The Picture of Sabrina Harman with an iraqi man in what seems to be a body bag caused a bit of a ruckus in another forum. Little did I know the iraqi man shown in the picture was dead
Dead Iraqis! Is that what's going on over there? I don't want to hear it!!Sigh, some people!
I remember watching in amazement as Geddy sang, played bass, and played the keyboards with his feet. I thought, "Who is this guy???"
-- IFALT
-- IFALT