I thought this was funny, don't know how true it is, but funny nonetheless.
SCHOOL ANSWERING MACHINE (This is hilarious - no wonder some people were offended!) This is the message that the Pacific Palisades High School (California) staff voted unanimously to record on their school telephone answering machine. This is the actual answering machine message for the school. This came about because they implemented a policy requiring students and parents to be responsible for their children's absences and missing homework. The school and teachers are being sued by parents who want their children's failing grades changed to passing grades - even though those children were absent 15-30 times during the semester and did not complete enough schoolwork to pass their classes. The outgoing message: _____________________________________________________________ Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your school. In order to assist you in connecting to the right staff member, please listen to all the options before making a selection:
* To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1
* To make excuses for why your child did not do his work- Press 2
* To complain about what we do - Press 3
* To swear at staff members - Press 4
* To ask why you didn't get information that was already enclosed in your newsletter and several fliers mailed to you - Press 5
* If you want us to raise your child - Press 6
* If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone -Press 7
* To request another teacher, for the third time this year -Press 8
* To complain about bus transportation - Press 9
* To complain about school lunches - Press 0
* If you realize this is the real world and your child must be accountable and responsible for his/her own behavior, class work, homework and that it's not the teachers' fault for your child's lack of effort: Hang up and have a nice day!
*If you want this in Spanish, you must be in the wrong country.
Political or semi-political ha ha's
Moderator: Priests of Syrinx
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Walkinghairball
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- Location: In a rock an roll venue near you....as long as you are in the Pacific Northwest.
Political or semi-political ha ha's
This space for rent
That ROCKED Hairy!
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Walkinghairball
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- Joined: Wed Apr 21, 2004 9:42 pm
- Location: In a rock an roll venue near you....as long as you are in the Pacific Northwest.
The Ant & The Grasshopper
OLD VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building
his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool; and laughs and dances and
plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.
The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.
MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself!
MODERN VERSION: (This would be humorous if it were not such an
accurate metaphor!)
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building
his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and; laughs and dances and
plays the summer away.
Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be warm and well-fed while others are cold and starving.
CBS, NBC, PBS, CNN, Fox and ABC show up to provide pictures of the
shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home
with a table filled with food. America is stunned by the sharp contrast.
How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor
grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?
Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody
cries when they sing, 'It's Not Easy Being Green.'
Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house
where the news stations film the group singing, 'We shall overcome.' Jesse
then has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake. Nancy
Pelosi & John Kerry exclaim in an interview with Larry King that the ant
has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an
immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.
Finally, the EEOC drafts the Economic Equity and Anti-Grasshopper Act
retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for
failing to hire a proportionate number
of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his
home is confiscated by the government.
Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a
defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel of
federal judges that Bill Clinton appointed from a list of single-parent
welfare recipients.
The ant loses the case.
The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits
of the ant's food while the government house he is in, which just happens
to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him because he doesn't maintain
it. The ant has disappeared in the snow. The grasshopper is found dead in
a drug-related incident and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by
a gang of spiders who terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood.
MORAL OF THE STORY: Be careful how you vote.
OLD VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building
his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool; and laughs and dances and
plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.
The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.
MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself!
MODERN VERSION: (This would be humorous if it were not such an
accurate metaphor!)
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building
his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and; laughs and dances and
plays the summer away.
Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be warm and well-fed while others are cold and starving.
CBS, NBC, PBS, CNN, Fox and ABC show up to provide pictures of the
shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home
with a table filled with food. America is stunned by the sharp contrast.
How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor
grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?
Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody
cries when they sing, 'It's Not Easy Being Green.'
Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house
where the news stations film the group singing, 'We shall overcome.' Jesse
then has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake. Nancy
Pelosi & John Kerry exclaim in an interview with Larry King that the ant
has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an
immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.
Finally, the EEOC drafts the Economic Equity and Anti-Grasshopper Act
retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for
failing to hire a proportionate number
of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his
home is confiscated by the government.
Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a
defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel of
federal judges that Bill Clinton appointed from a list of single-parent
welfare recipients.
The ant loses the case.
The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits
of the ant's food while the government house he is in, which just happens
to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him because he doesn't maintain
it. The ant has disappeared in the snow. The grasshopper is found dead in
a drug-related incident and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by
a gang of spiders who terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood.
MORAL OF THE STORY: Be careful how you vote.
This space for rent
Yeah, people, the lazy ones, sure hate it when someone else is willing to put in the work to have a better life.
Kinda like the fuel situation. In private enterprise, it is the goal to reap as much as you can for your product. Yet, when the oil companies do it, people get angry. Truth is, we don't NEED gas, we just really want it. When they won't give it to us for cheap, we think the govt should go after them. I think we be related to the grasshopper!
Kinda like the fuel situation. In private enterprise, it is the goal to reap as much as you can for your product. Yet, when the oil companies do it, people get angry. Truth is, we don't NEED gas, we just really want it. When they won't give it to us for cheap, we think the govt should go after them. I think we be related to the grasshopper!
Dick Cheney and George W. Bush were having breakfast at the White House...
A very attractive waitress asks Cheney what he would like,
and he replies: "I'd like a bowl of oatmeal and some fruit ..."
"And what can I get for you, Mr. President?"
George W, looking up from his menu, replies with his
trademark
and slight grin:
"How about a quickie this morning?"
"Why, Mr. President!" the waitress exclaims. "How rude!
"You're starting to act like Mr. Clinton!"
As the waitress storms away, Cheney leans over to Bush and
whispers:
Mr. President, "It's pronounced, 'Quiche'.
A very attractive waitress asks Cheney what he would like,
and he replies: "I'd like a bowl of oatmeal and some fruit ..."
"And what can I get for you, Mr. President?"
George W, looking up from his menu, replies with his
trademark
and slight grin:"How about a quickie this morning?"
"Why, Mr. President!" the waitress exclaims. "How rude!
"You're starting to act like Mr. Clinton!"
As the waitress storms away, Cheney leans over to Bush and
whispers:
Mr. President, "It's pronounced, 'Quiche'.
Don't start none...won't be none.
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Walkinghairball
- Posts: 25037
- Joined: Wed Apr 21, 2004 9:42 pm
- Location: In a rock an roll venue near you....as long as you are in the Pacific Northwest.
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Walkinghairball
- Posts: 25037
- Joined: Wed Apr 21, 2004 9:42 pm
- Location: In a rock an roll venue near you....as long as you are in the Pacific Northwest.
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Walkinghairball
- Posts: 25037
- Joined: Wed Apr 21, 2004 9:42 pm
- Location: In a rock an roll venue near you....as long as you are in the Pacific Northwest.
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Mr. Potatoe Head
- Posts: 1783
- Joined: Fri Nov 21, 2003 6:25 am
CygnusX1 wrote:Dick Cheney and George W. Bush were having breakfast at the White House...
A very attractive waitress asks Cheney what he would like,
and he replies: "I'd like a bowl of oatmeal and some fruit ..."
"And what can I get for you, Mr. President?"
George W, looking up from his menu, replies with his
trademark
"How about a quickie this morning?"
"Why, Mr. President!" the waitress exclaims. "How rude!
"You're starting to act like Mr. Clinton!"
As the waitress storms away, Cheney leans over to Bush and
whispers:
Mr. President, "It's pronounced, 'Quiche'.
