Aerosmitten wrote:There was a drummer who was down on his luck and flat broke. He decided the thing to do was to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. So he went to the playground and grabed a kid. He pulled the kid over behind a large maple and told him he was now kidnaped. Then the drummer put a note on the kids shirt saying the kid was kidnaped and if the parents ever wanted to see their kid again they were to leave a brown paper bag witha whole lotta money behind the big maple in the playground. He signed it, A Drummer. The drummer sent the kid home to show his parents the note.
Next day the drummer went and looked behind the big maple. Sure enough, there was a brown paper bag with lotsa money in it. There was also a note taped to the bag, the note said this:
How could you do this to a fellow drummer?
Drrrrrrrr tish!
HAHHAHAHHAHAH AHAHHAHA that rules, one of the best i've heard in a long time, its kind of pitiful that drummers really are that slow eh?
Well...one day the drummer was geddign ready for the gig when he saw the guitarist and the bassist going at it. He went over and said, "Hey, dudes! What's wrong? We've got a gig starting in 5 min!!"
The bassist said, "That hoser detuned one of my strings!" As he pointed to the guitarist. The guitarists started to say summat when the drummer cut in and asked the bassist why he did not just retune the bass and start the gig.
The bassist gave the drummer a look like, Uhhh.... and said, "He won't tell me whick one!"
One day, a tuba player wanted to torture the drummer behind him, so he hid one of the drummer's sticks.
After looking around for a few minutes, with a frantic, wide-eyed expression, the drummer fell to his knees, flung his arms wide, and screamed to heaven:
"Finally! The miracle, after all these years! I'm a Conductor!"
New category: Musical Oxymorons. For example
Snare Drum Music
Professional Drummer
...
from the Drummers Dictionary:
Accelerando, n. drum fill; solo
Two drummers walk into a bar...
which is funny because you would have figured the second one would have seen the first guy do it.
A new customer walks into the new store on the block that sells brains. There are three glass cases, each containing a nice wet quivering grey brain. The first one says "Astrophysicist", and it costs $10. The second says "Avon Salesman" and costs $1000. The third says "Drummer" and costs $10,000. The customer is confused, and questions the salesperson.
"I don't get it...why would I want a drummer's brain for $10,000 when I can get an astrophysicists' for $10?".
The salesman replies, "Because it's never been used."
Q: What do you call a Drummer driving a Volkswagon?
A: Farfromthinken
Q: What's the difference between a drum machine and a drummer?
A: You only have to punch the information into the drum machine once!
Two girls are walking along when they hear...
"Psst! Down here!"
They both look down and see a frog sitting beside the road. The frog says to them, "Hey, if you kiss me I'll turn into a world famous drummer and make you both rich and famous!" The two girls looked at each other, and one of them reached down and grabbed the frog and stuffed it in her pocket.
The other girl said, "What did you do that for?"
The first replied, "I'm not stupid. I know a talking frog is worth heaps more than a famous drummer any day!!!"
A drummer, tired from being ridiculed by his peers, decides to learn how to play some "real" musical instruments. He goes to a music store, walks in, approaches the store clerk, and says "I'll take that red trumpet over there and that accordian."
The store clerk looks at him a bit funny, and replies "OK, you can have the fire extinguisher but the radiator's got to stay".
A guy walks into a shop.
"You got one of them Marshall Hiwatt AC30 amplificatior thingies and a Gobson StratoBlaster geetar with a Fried Rose tremulo?"
"You're a drummer, aren't you?"
"Duh, yeah. How'd you know?"
"This is a travel agency."
A man goes to an exotic tropical island for a vacation. As the boat nears the island, he notices the constant sound of drumming coming from the island. As he gets off the boat, he asks the first native he sees how long the drumming will go on. The native casts about nervously and says "very bad when the drumming stops."
At the end of the day, the drumming is still going and is starting to get on his nerves. So, he asks another native when the drumming will stop. The native looks as if he's just been reminded of something very unpleasant. "Very bad when the drumming stops," he says, and hurries off.
After a couple of days with little sleep, our traveller is finally fed up, grabs the nearest native, slams him up against a tree, and shouts "What happens when the drumming stops?!!"
"Bass solo."
What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.
Why are bad drummers better than drum machines?
You don't have to plug 'em in to get something stiff, mechanical and uninspired.
If a dollar bill was laying in the center of a room, and the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, a drummer with good time, and a drummer with bad time were standing in the corners, who would get the money?
The drummer with bad time since the other three don't exist
lady walks into a store and tell the man behind the counter she would like some musican brains. "Alright" he says, "What kind?".
"How much do they cost?" she asks.
"Well, those there are trumpeters at $5 a pound, those are french horns at $7 a pound, and those are conductors' at $10 a pound." He replies.
"What are those way back there?" she asks.
"Those are drummers brains. They cost $100 a pound." He replies.
"GOODNESS!!", she exclaims, "Why are they so expensive?"
"Lady, do you realize how many drummers it takes to get a pound of brains?!?!".
Why do drummers have one more brain cell than a horse?
So that when marching in a parade, they can avoid the sh*t on the road.
Q:Why are orchestra intermissions limited to 20 minutes?
A: So you don't have to retrain the drummers
Q: Why do guitarists put drumsticks on the dash of their car?
A: So they can park in the handicapped spot
Johnny says to his mom: I want to be a drummer when I grow up!
Mom: But Johnny, you can't do both.
Did you hear about the guitarist who was going to a gig and locked his keys in the car? It took him two hours to get the drummer out....
A man dies and goes to Heaven. Unlike he had expected, Heaven is essentially a really long hallway with doors on either side, each with a short IQ range listed on it. Inside, he learns, the rooms are perfectly tailored so that the conversation will match the intelligence of the people in them.
He opens the 170 door. "Well," comes the conversation inside, "I've always found Fourier transforms to be a rather limited way of interconverting what are fundamentally..."
SLAM. Too rich for him. He heads down the hall a bit to the 115 zone and opens the door. "I just read 'Generation X'," comes a voice, "and though Coupland doesn't do too badly in identifying his generation's fundamental angst, I was a bit confused by..."
SLAM. Not bad, but now the man was getting curious, and wanted to see what was further down the scale. He tries 95. "Hey, did you read the paper today? Says interest rates will go up again..."
SLAM. How about 60? "Huh. Thought 'Married With Children' last night was pretty funny. Didn't get the bit about the hooters, though..."
SLAM. It was getting pretty bad. He tried 35. The people inside were looking at one another and drooling.
Finally, he came to the one marked with a 10. He hesitated, fearing what he would see when he opened the door. But he did, seeing only two guys inside.
"So," one said to the other, "what size sticks do you use?"
Q: What does the average drummer get on an IQ test?
A: Drool.
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Q: How can you tell when the stage riser is level?
A: The drools comes out of both sides of the drummer's mouth.
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Q: What do you call a drummer that breaks up with his girlfriend?
A: Homeless.
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Q: What's the last thing a drummer says in a band?
A: "Hey, guys - why don't we try one of my songs? ..."
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Q: What did the professional drummer say when he got to his job?
A: "Would you like fries with that?"
There was a drummer that wanted to make people realize that drummers are NOT all dumb. So he got a big convention together to show the world that drummers are NOT dumb.
He called Nicko of Iron Maiden up on stage and asked him what ten plus twenty three was...Nicko thought long and hard and said, fourty five. The audience yelled to give him another chance, so the dude asked Nicko what thirty plus three was, Nicko again thought long and hard then said, six hundred and sixty six. The audience again yelled for Nicko to be given another chance, so the dude said, he'd make it easy and asked Nicko what two plus two was. Nicko thought REALLY hard and said, FOUR! The audience then yelled....Aww...give him ONE more chance!
Nicko would be so proud of this thread. He just loves drummer jokes! Of course, many of these jokes are found on his site, but he would still beam with pride at his little drummer friend's thread.
She is your cousin, dude!