Sports Jokes

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CygnusX1
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Sports Jokes

Post by CygnusX1 » Fri Apr 24, 2009 10:53 am

Top Ten Caddy Jokes During the Masters



#10. Golfer: "I think I am going to drown myself in the lake."

Caddy: "Think you can keep your head down that long?"


#9. Golfer: "I'd move Heaven and Earth to break 100 on this
course."

Caddy: "Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth."


#8. Golfer: "Do you think that my game is improving?"

Caddy: "Yes sir; you miss the ball much closer now."


#7. Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?"

Caddy: "Eventually!"


#6. Golfer: "You got to be the worst caddy in the world."

Caddy: "I don't think so, Sir. That would be too much of a coincidence."


#5. Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time."

Caddy: "It's not a watch, it is a compass."


#4. Golfer: "How do you like my game?"

Caddy: "Very good Sir, but personally I prefer golf."


#3. Golfer: "Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday?"

Caddy: "The way you play? Sir, it's a sin on any day."


#2. Golfer: "This is the worst course I've ever played on."

Caddy: "This isn't the golf course. We left that an hour ago."


AND.... THE #1 BEST CADDY COMMENT:


wait for it....



wait for it....





1. Golfer: "That can't be my ball, it is too old!"

Caddy: "It's been a long time since we teed off, sir."
Don't start none...won't be none.

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Walkinghairball
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Post by Walkinghairball » Fri Apr 24, 2009 11:22 am

^^^

RAWR!!!!!!!!!!! LOL
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CygnusX1
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Post by CygnusX1 » Fri Apr 24, 2009 12:30 pm

Reminds me of "Caddyshack" hahahaha

"Goin' for the win...Cinderella story....tears in his eyes..."
Don't start none...won't be none.

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schuette
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Post by schuette » Sat Apr 25, 2009 3:05 pm

they were good :lol:
Image
Image
Image

CygnusX1
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Post by CygnusX1 » Tue Apr 28, 2009 5:42 am

Two women were playing golf....

One teed off, and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a
foursome of men playing the next hole.

The ball hit one of the men!

He immediately clasped his hands togetherat his groin, fell to the ground
and proceeded to roll around in agony.

The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to
apologize:

"Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could
relieve your pain if you'd allow me," she told him.

"Oh, no, no....I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes," the man
replied.


He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands
together at his groin.

At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help.

She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his
pants and put her hands inside.

She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments,
then asked: "How does that feel?"

He replied:

"It feels great, but I still think my thumb's broken."
Don't start none...won't be none.

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Post by CygnusX1 » Wed Sep 02, 2009 6:42 am

Fart Football


A married couple in their 80's no sooner hit the pillows,
when the old man passes gas and says, 'Seven Points!'

His wife rolls over and says, 'What in the world was that?'

The old man replied, 'It's fart football!'

A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says:
'Touchdown, tie score.'

After about five minutes, the old man lets another one go, and
says, 'Aha! I'm ahead 14 to 7!'

Not to be outdone, the wife rips out another one and says,
'Touchdown! Tie score!'

Five seconds go by, and she lets out a little squeaker and
says, 'Field goal! Three points! I lead 17 to 14.'

(Now the pressure is on the old man.)

He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard.

Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything
he's got, and accidentally shits the bed.

The wife says, 'What the hell was that?'

The old man says, 'Half time...Switch sides!'


________________________________
Don't start none...won't be none.

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Post by CygnusX1 » Tue Sep 29, 2009 1:13 pm

Why athletes can't get REAL jobs...

1. Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model:

"I wan' all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan' all the kids to
copulate me."


2. New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season:

"I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."

3. And, upon hearing Joe Jacoby of the 'skin's say:

"I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl"

Matt Millen of the (then) 'skins said: "To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too."

4. Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins:

"He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings."

5. Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann:

"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like
Norman Einstein."


6. Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh :

I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes."


7. Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach:

"You guys line up alphabetically by height." And, "You guys pair up in
groups of three, and then line up in a circle."


8. Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson going to prison:

"Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison
for three years, not Princeton."


9. Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a
color photo of himself above his locker:

"That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes."

10. Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of
heavyweight Andrew Golota:

"He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning, regardless of what
time it is."


11. Chuck Nevitt , North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to
Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice:

"My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle
or an aunt."
(I wonder if his IQ ever hit room temperature in January.)

12. Frank Layden , Utah Jazz president, on a former player:

"I told him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said,
'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.' "


13. Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he
told a player who received four F's and one D:

"Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject."

14. In the words of NC State great Charles Shackelford,

"I can go to my left or right, I am amphibious."

15. Amarillo High School and Oiler coach Bum Phillips when asked by Bob
Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded:

"Because she is too damn ugly to kiss good-bye."
Don't start none...won't be none.

Soup4Rush
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Post by Soup4Rush » Thu Oct 01, 2009 3:10 pm

Happy 2015!

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Post by Soup4Rush » Thu Oct 01, 2009 3:12 pm

press the big arrow to start the cartoon
Happy 2015!

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Walkinghairball
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Post by Walkinghairball » Thu Oct 01, 2009 8:41 pm

Good stuff Soup. Funny play on the old cartoons.
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Post by CygnusX1 » Tue Oct 06, 2009 6:59 am

Justice in Cleveland, Ohio

Cleveland, OH (AP) - A seven-year old boy was at the center of a
Cuyahoga County courtroom drama yesterday, when he challenged a
court ruling over who should have custody of him.

The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents, and the judge
initially awarded custody to his aunt in keeping with child custody law and
regulation, requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest
degree possible.

The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him
more than his parents, and he adamantly refused to live with her.

When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the
boy cried and said that they also beat him.

After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that
domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge
took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should
have custody of him.

After two recesses to check legal references and a conference with
Child Welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the
Washington Redskins, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable
of beating anyone.
Don't start none...won't be none.

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YYZ30
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Post by YYZ30 » Thu Oct 08, 2009 8:07 am

(oldie but goodie)

Q: What do the Detriot Tigers and Billy Graham have in common?

A: The ability to make 50,000 people stand up and say "JESUS CHRIST!"

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Walkinghairball
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Post by Walkinghairball » Thu Oct 08, 2009 11:25 am

YYZ30 wrote:(oldie but goodie)

Q: What do the Detriot Tigers and Billy Graham have in common?

A: The ability to make 50,000 people stand up and say "JESUS CHRIST!"

S N A P ! ! ! ! :lol: :lol: :lol:
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Walkinghairball
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Post by Walkinghairball » Thu Oct 08, 2009 10:27 pm

Cyg buddy, I hope you can see this, or I will e-mail it to ya................enjoy all.


http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=22d_1254794037


Right on!!!!!!!!!!
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CygnusX1
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Post by CygnusX1 » Fri Oct 09, 2009 6:01 am

Walkinghairball wrote:Cyg buddy, I hope you can see this, or I will e-mail it to ya................enjoy all.


http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=22d_1254794037


Right on!!!!!!!!!!
Nope, but thanks for tryin' Bro!

Whoops....hold the phone....

Something's coming across the By-Tor News Wire..

More later.
Don't start none...won't be none.

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