Fixed your problem for you.CygnusX1 wrote:When I was 16, I should have been looking for a girl with a big rack.
The Joke thread
Moderator: Priests of Syrinx
^^^
What picture? I got a whole lot of nuthin.'
Two medical students were walking along the street, when they saw an
old man walking - with his legs spread apart!
He was stiff-legged, and walking very slowly and gingerly.
The one student said to his friend: "I'm sure that poor old man has
Peltry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that."
The other student says: "No, I don't think so. The old man surely has
Zovitzki Syndrome...He walks slowly and his legs are apart, just as we
learned in class."
Since they couldn't agree, they decided to ask the old man.
They approached him, and one of the students said to him: "We're
medical students and couldn't help but notice the way you walk, but we
couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what
it is?"
The old man said, "I'll tell you, but first you tell me what you two fine
medical students think."
The first student said, "I think it's Peltry Syndrome."
The old man said, "You thought....... But you are wrong."
The other student said, "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome."
The old man said, "You thought....... But you are wrong as well."
So they asked him, "Well, old timer, what do you have?"
The old man said, "I thought it was GAS....But I'm wrong, too!"
What picture? I got a whole lot of nuthin.'
Two medical students were walking along the street, when they saw an
old man walking - with his legs spread apart!
He was stiff-legged, and walking very slowly and gingerly.
The one student said to his friend: "I'm sure that poor old man has
Peltry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that."
The other student says: "No, I don't think so. The old man surely has
Zovitzki Syndrome...He walks slowly and his legs are apart, just as we
learned in class."
Since they couldn't agree, they decided to ask the old man.
They approached him, and one of the students said to him: "We're
medical students and couldn't help but notice the way you walk, but we
couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what
it is?"
The old man said, "I'll tell you, but first you tell me what you two fine
medical students think."
The first student said, "I think it's Peltry Syndrome."
The old man said, "You thought....... But you are wrong."
The other student said, "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome."
The old man said, "You thought....... But you are wrong as well."
So they asked him, "Well, old timer, what do you have?"
The old man said, "I thought it was GAS....But I'm wrong, too!"
Don't start none...won't be none.
You know you're from California if:
1. Your coworker has 8 body piercings, and none are visible.
2. You make over $300,000 a year, and still can't afford a
house.
3. You take a bus, and are shocked at two people carrying on a
conversation in English.
4. Your child's 3rd-grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is
named Flower.
5. You can't remember . . . is pot illegal?
6. You've been to a baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor.
7. You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are
grown, and you can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian.
8. You can't remember . . . is pot illegal?
9. A really great parking space can totally move you to tears.
10. Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S.
11. Unlike back home, the guy at 8:30 am, at Starbucks, wearing a
baseball cap and sunglasses, who looks like George Clooney
really IS George Clooney.
12. Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment.
13. You can't remember . . . is pot illegal?
14. It's barely sprinkling rain, and there's a report on every news
station: 'STORM WATCH.'
15. You pass an elementary school playground, and the children are all
busy with their cell phones or iPods.
16. It's barely sprinkling rain outside, so you leave for work an hour
early to avoid all the weather-related accidents.
17. HEY!!!! Is pot illegal????
18. Both you AND your dog have therapists, psychics, personal trainers
and plastic surgeons.
19. The Terminator is your governor.
20. If you drive illegally, they take your driver's
license. If you're here illegally, they give you one.
1. Your coworker has 8 body piercings, and none are visible.
2. You make over $300,000 a year, and still can't afford a
house.
3. You take a bus, and are shocked at two people carrying on a
conversation in English.
4. Your child's 3rd-grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is
named Flower.
5. You can't remember . . . is pot illegal?
6. You've been to a baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor.
7. You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are
grown, and you can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian.
8. You can't remember . . . is pot illegal?
9. A really great parking space can totally move you to tears.
10. Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S.
11. Unlike back home, the guy at 8:30 am, at Starbucks, wearing a
baseball cap and sunglasses, who looks like George Clooney
really IS George Clooney.
12. Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment.
13. You can't remember . . . is pot illegal?
14. It's barely sprinkling rain, and there's a report on every news
station: 'STORM WATCH.'
15. You pass an elementary school playground, and the children are all
busy with their cell phones or iPods.
16. It's barely sprinkling rain outside, so you leave for work an hour
early to avoid all the weather-related accidents.
17. HEY!!!! Is pot illegal????
18. Both you AND your dog have therapists, psychics, personal trainers
and plastic surgeons.
19. The Terminator is your governor.
20. If you drive illegally, they take your driver's
license. If you're here illegally, they give you one.
Don't start none...won't be none.
-
Orlando's LOVESLAVE
- Posts: 922
- Joined: Fri May 07, 2004 8:32 pm
- Location: Confused state of mind.
Those are good.
AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES (That Really Work!)
1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU SLICE.
2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.
3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.
4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.
5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.
6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE.. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.
7.. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.
DAILY THOUGHT: SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.
AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES (That Really Work!)
1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU SLICE.
2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.
3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.
4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.
5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.
6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE.. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.
7.. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.
DAILY THOUGHT: SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.
-
Walkinghairball
- Posts: 25037
- Joined: Wed Apr 21, 2004 9:42 pm
- Location: In a rock an roll venue near you....as long as you are in the Pacific Northwest.
FTFY!Orlando's LOVESLAVE wrote:Those are good.
AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES (That Really Work!)
1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU SLICE.
do not let H do the slicing!!!
2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.
3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.
4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.
this one applies to Marn!!!
5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.
be afraid..........be very afraid!!!
6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE.. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.
t?
7.. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.
This is for brother Cyg!!!
DAILY THOUGHT: SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.
it's all fun and games til you get detention for doing this to someone. Oh yeah, this one applies to myself.
This space for rent
-
Walkinghairball
- Posts: 25037
- Joined: Wed Apr 21, 2004 9:42 pm
- Location: In a rock an roll venue near you....as long as you are in the Pacific Northwest.
GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN
Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa . Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful!
Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe . Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value.
Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain , very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.
Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece, gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.
Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain, with a glorious and all conquering past.
Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel, has been through war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice, takes care of business..
Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada, self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.
After 70, she becomes Tibet. Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages.... An adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge....
THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN
Between 1 and 100, a man is like Iran, ruled by nuts.
Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa . Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful!
Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe . Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value.
Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain , very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.
Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece, gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.
Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain, with a glorious and all conquering past.
Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel, has been through war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice, takes care of business..
Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada, self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.
After 70, she becomes Tibet. Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages.... An adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge....
THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN
Between 1 and 100, a man is like Iran, ruled by nuts.
This space for rent
Time for another reaction post.
1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU SLICE.
Then you end up cutting that person.
2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.
Ew, no thanks.
3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.
And sending you straight to the mental ward. "I swear, I'm not suicidal. This self-mutilation is healthy for my veins!". Yeah, okay
4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.
I don't do that anyway, but I imagine that solution would awaken anyone within a ten-meter radius.
5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.
That's just messed-up.
6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE.. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.
This works well.
7.. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.
What if you smash a window?
DAILY THOUGHT: SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.
Isn't THAT the truth!
1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU SLICE.
Then you end up cutting that person.
2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.
Ew, no thanks.
3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.
And sending you straight to the mental ward. "I swear, I'm not suicidal. This self-mutilation is healthy for my veins!". Yeah, okay
4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.
I don't do that anyway, but I imagine that solution would awaken anyone within a ten-meter radius.
5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.
That's just messed-up.
6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE.. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.
This works well.
7.. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.
What if you smash a window?
DAILY THOUGHT: SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.
Isn't THAT the truth!
As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became
aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to
come up to the height of the first step of the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus
driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little,
thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg
She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn't.
So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached
behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the
second time attempted the step.
Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg
With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind
to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.
About this time, a large Texan who was standing
behind her picked her up easily by the waist
and placed her gently on the step of the bus.
She went ballistic and turned to the
would-be Samaritan
and yelled:
'How dare you touch my body!
I don't even know who you are!'
The Texan smiled and drawled:
'Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you,
but after you unzipped my fly three times,
I kinda figured we was friends.'
aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to
come up to the height of the first step of the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus
driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little,
thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg
She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn't.
So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached
behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the
second time attempted the step.
Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg
With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind
to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.
About this time, a large Texan who was standing
behind her picked her up easily by the waist
and placed her gently on the step of the bus.
She went ballistic and turned to the
would-be Samaritan
and yelled:
'How dare you touch my body!
I don't even know who you are!'
The Texan smiled and drawled:
'Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you,
but after you unzipped my fly three times,
I kinda figured we was friends.'
-
Walkinghairball
- Posts: 25037
- Joined: Wed Apr 21, 2004 9:42 pm
- Location: In a rock an roll venue near you....as long as you are in the Pacific Northwest.
HOW TO INSTALL A REDNECK
HOME SECURITY SYSTEM
1. Go to a secondhand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 work boots.
2. Place them on your front porch, along with a recent copy of "Guns & Ammo" Magazine.
3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.
4. Leave a note on your door that reads:
"Bubba,
Bertha, Duke, Slim, & I went for more ammo and beer. Be back in a
hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls; they attacked the mailman this
morning and messed him up real bad. I don't think Killer took part, but it
was hard to tell from all the blood.
Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house.
Better wait outside.
Be right back,
Cooter"
HOME SECURITY SYSTEM
1. Go to a secondhand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 work boots.
2. Place them on your front porch, along with a recent copy of "Guns & Ammo" Magazine.
3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.
4. Leave a note on your door that reads:
"Bubba,
Bertha, Duke, Slim, & I went for more ammo and beer. Be back in a
hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls; they attacked the mailman this
morning and messed him up real bad. I don't think Killer took part, but it
was hard to tell from all the blood.
Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house.
Better wait outside.
Be right back,
Cooter"
Don't start none...won't be none.
30 things to do when taking an exam that you know you won't pass.
1. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"
2. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure that you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
3. Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level.
4. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.
5. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.
6. 15 min. into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every 15 min.
7. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.
8. Be as vulgar as possible during the exam, make sure every sentence has every other word as a swear word or some sexual innuendo for example.
9. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.
10. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
11. Every 5 min. stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.
12. Turn in the exam approx. 30 min. into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.
13. Get the exam. 20 min into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "Fuck this!" and walk out triumphantly.
14. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (ie. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink.)
15. Show up completely drunk (completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).
16. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.
17. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 min, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.
18. If the exam is math/sciences related, make up the longest proofs you could possible think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.
19. Try to get people in the room to do a wave.
20. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.
21. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.
22. Puke into your exam booklet. Hand it in. Leave.
23. Take 6 packages of rice cakes to the exam. Stuff at least 2 rice cakes into your mouth at once. Chew, then cough. Repeat if necessary.
24. Masturbate.
25. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About 5 min into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?"
26. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up!
27. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.
28. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"
29. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.
30. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.
1. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"
2. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure that you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
3. Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level.
4. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.
5. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.
6. 15 min. into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every 15 min.
7. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.
8. Be as vulgar as possible during the exam, make sure every sentence has every other word as a swear word or some sexual innuendo for example.
9. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.
10. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
11. Every 5 min. stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.
12. Turn in the exam approx. 30 min. into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.
13. Get the exam. 20 min into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "Fuck this!" and walk out triumphantly.
14. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (ie. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink.)
15. Show up completely drunk (completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).
16. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.
17. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 min, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.
18. If the exam is math/sciences related, make up the longest proofs you could possible think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.
19. Try to get people in the room to do a wave.
20. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.
21. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.
22. Puke into your exam booklet. Hand it in. Leave.
23. Take 6 packages of rice cakes to the exam. Stuff at least 2 rice cakes into your mouth at once. Chew, then cough. Repeat if necessary.
24. Masturbate.
25. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About 5 min into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?"
26. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up!
27. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.
28. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"
29. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.
30. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.