The Joke thread

When you have no clue as to what you want to say

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Walkinghairball
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Post by Walkinghairball » Fri Apr 16, 2010 11:08 am

History's top 10 times for appropriate use of the F-word:


10th - "Scattered fucking showers, my ass!" - Noah, 4314 BC

9th - "How the fuck did you work that out?" - Pythagoras, 126 BC

8th - "You want WHAT on the fucking ceiling?" - Michelangelo, 1566

7th - "Where did all those fucking Indians come from?" - Custer, 1877

6th - "It does so fucking look like her!" - Picasso, 1926

5th - "Where the fuck are we?" ? Amelia Earhart, 1937

4th - "Any fucking idiot could understand that." - Einstein, 1938

3rd - "What the fuck was that?" - Mayor Of Hiroshima , 1945

2nd - "I need this parade like I need a fucking hole in the head!" - JFK, 1963

AND ... drum roll please ...

The Number 1 most appropriate time for using the "F" word ......

"Aw c'mon. Who the fuck is gonna find out?" - Tiger Woods, 2009
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zepboy
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Post by zepboy » Fri Apr 16, 2010 9:00 pm

^^^^^^^^
Oh dude . . . . roflmfao!!!!!

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Walkinghairball
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Post by Walkinghairball » Sat Apr 17, 2010 11:27 am

:-D
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zepboy
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Post by zepboy » Wed Aug 04, 2010 7:05 am

A guy walks into his shrink's office wearing nothing but a few layers of cellophane wrap. The shrink exclaims, "I can plainly see you're nuts!"

CygnusX1
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Post by CygnusX1 » Wed Aug 04, 2010 8:39 am

I'm hiding out here until the heat dies down...

It's all my fault...

Sigette asked me what was on the TV this morning as I left for work...

I said, "dust."

Move over Rover, and let the big dog in.
Don't start none...won't be none.

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Walkinghairball
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Post by Walkinghairball » Wed Aug 04, 2010 8:50 am

@ Zep........LMAO!!!

@ Cyg............LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!! Yer soooooooooooooo dusted!!!!! :razz:

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Raiden
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Post by Raiden » Wed Aug 04, 2010 4:30 pm

A Scotsman was drinking at a pub all night. When he got up to leave, he fell flat on his face. He tried to stand again, but to no avail, falling flat on his face. He decided to crawl outside and get some fresh air to see whether that would sober him up. Once outside, he stood up and, sure enough, fell flat on his face. So, being a practical Scot, he crawled all the way home.

When he got to the door, he stood up yet again, but fell flat on his face. He crawled through the door into his bedroom. When he reached his bed, he tried once more to stand upright. This time he managed to pull himself to his feet but fell into bed. He was sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

He woke the next morning to his wife shaking him and shouting, "So, ye've been oot drinkin' as usual!" "Why would ye say that?" he complained innocently.

"Because the pub called an' ye left yer wheelchair there again!"

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awip2062
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Post by awip2062 » Sun Feb 27, 2011 3:24 pm

Q. Why did they have so much trouble burying Bob Marley?
A. His coffin kept jammin'
Onward and Upward!

zepboy
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Post by zepboy » Sun Feb 27, 2011 6:49 pm

Dja hear about the guy they found dead floating in a bathtub full of milk and corn flakes? Police believe it was a cereal murder.

CygnusX1
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Post by CygnusX1 » Mon Feb 28, 2011 5:54 am

Two mixed-breed mutts are running full speed down a gravel country road...

The lead dog is kicking up rocks, and the trailing dog is dodging them and
choking on the lead dog's dust at the same time.

The lead dog turns his head and hollers, "Aint this a b*tch?"

The trailing dog clears his dusty throat and barks back:





wait for it....





wait for it....





"IT BETTER BE!"
Don't start none...won't be none.

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Walkinghairball
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Post by Walkinghairball » Fri Mar 11, 2011 10:11 am

How much cocaine does Charlie Sheen snort a day???









Enough to kill two and a half men.
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Soup4Rush
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Post by Soup4Rush » Fri Mar 11, 2011 11:33 am

bada bing bada boom!!! :-D :-D :-D
Happy 2015!

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awip2062
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Post by awip2062 » Sat Mar 12, 2011 4:45 pm

Walkinghairball wrote:How much cocaine does Charlie Sheen snort a day???









Enough to kill two and a half men.
Ohhhhhhh...ouch! The truth hurts, or at least it should in this case!
Onward and Upward!

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Xanadu
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Post by Xanadu » Wed Mar 23, 2011 9:44 pm

I can't stand that asshole...how much crack does he smoke when he runs out of the powder?
We're all mad here!

CygnusX1
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Post by CygnusX1 » Wed Mar 30, 2011 4:12 am

I was hangin' out with the wife, enjoying a cold one and I said softly:

"I love you......"

She asks, "Is that you or the beer talking?"

I said, "It's me............. talking to the beer." :P



The doc says I'll be back on my feet in a day or two. :oops:
Don't start none...won't be none.

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