Political or semi-political ha ha's
Moderator: Priests of Syrinx
- Walkinghairball
- Posts: 25037
- Joined: Wed Apr 21, 2004 9:42 pm
- Location: In a rock an roll venue near you....as long as you are in the Pacific Northwest.
The little red hen
A Somewhat Modernized version
Once upon a time, on a farm in Texas,
there was a little red hen who scratched about the barnyard until she uncovered quite a few grains of wheat.
She called all of her neighbors together
and said, 'If we plant this wheat, we shall have bread to eat. Who will help me plant it?'
'Not I,' said the cow.
'Not I,' said the duck.
'Not I,' said the pig.
'Not I,' said the goose.
'Then I will do it by myself,' said the little red hen.
And so she did;
The wheat grew very tall and ripened into golden grain.
'Who will help me reap my wheat?'
asked the little Red hen.
'Not I,' said the blue duck.
'Out of my classification,'
said the blue pig.
'I'd lose my seniority,'
said the blue cow.
'I'd lose my unemployment
compensation,' said the blue goose.
'Then I will do it by myself,' said the little red hen, and so she did.
At last it came time to bake the bread.
'Who will help me bake the bread ?'
asked the little red hen.
'That would be overtime for me,'
said the cow.
'I'd lose my welfare benefits,' said the duck.
'I'm a dropout and never learned how,' said the pig.
'If I'm to be the only helper, that's discrimination,' said the goose.
'Then I will do it by myself,' said the little red hen. She baked five loaves and held them up for all of her neighbors to see. They wanted some and, in fact, demanded a share.
But the little red hen said, 'No, I shall eat all five loaves.'
'Excess profits!' cried the cow.
'Capitalist leech!'
screamed the duck.
'I demand equal rights!' yelled the goose.
The pig just grunted! in disdain.
And they all painted 'Unfair!'
picket signs and marched around
and around the little red hen,
shouting obscenities.
Then a government agent came.
He said to the little red hen, 'You must not be so greedy.'
'But I earned the bread,' said the little red hen.
'Exactly,' said the agent. 'That is what makes our free enterprise
system so wonderful. Anyone in the barnyard can earn as much as he wants.
But under our modern government regulations,
the productive workers
must divide the fruits of their labor
with those who are lazy and idle.'
And they all lived happily ever after,
including the little red hen, who
smiled and clucked, 'I am grateful,
for now I truly understand.'
But her neighbors became quite disappointed in her.
She never again baked bread because she joined the 'party' and got her bread for free.
And all the Democrats smiled.
'Fairness' had been established.
Individual initiative had died, but nobody noticed;
perhaps no one cared....
as long as there was free bread
that 'the rich' were paying for.
A Somewhat Modernized version
Once upon a time, on a farm in Texas,
there was a little red hen who scratched about the barnyard until she uncovered quite a few grains of wheat.
She called all of her neighbors together
and said, 'If we plant this wheat, we shall have bread to eat. Who will help me plant it?'
'Not I,' said the cow.
'Not I,' said the duck.
'Not I,' said the pig.
'Not I,' said the goose.
'Then I will do it by myself,' said the little red hen.
And so she did;
The wheat grew very tall and ripened into golden grain.
'Who will help me reap my wheat?'
asked the little Red hen.
'Not I,' said the blue duck.
'Out of my classification,'
said the blue pig.
'I'd lose my seniority,'
said the blue cow.
'I'd lose my unemployment
compensation,' said the blue goose.
'Then I will do it by myself,' said the little red hen, and so she did.
At last it came time to bake the bread.
'Who will help me bake the bread ?'
asked the little red hen.
'That would be overtime for me,'
said the cow.
'I'd lose my welfare benefits,' said the duck.
'I'm a dropout and never learned how,' said the pig.
'If I'm to be the only helper, that's discrimination,' said the goose.
'Then I will do it by myself,' said the little red hen. She baked five loaves and held them up for all of her neighbors to see. They wanted some and, in fact, demanded a share.
But the little red hen said, 'No, I shall eat all five loaves.'
'Excess profits!' cried the cow.
'Capitalist leech!'
screamed the duck.
'I demand equal rights!' yelled the goose.
The pig just grunted! in disdain.
And they all painted 'Unfair!'
picket signs and marched around
and around the little red hen,
shouting obscenities.
Then a government agent came.
He said to the little red hen, 'You must not be so greedy.'
'But I earned the bread,' said the little red hen.
'Exactly,' said the agent. 'That is what makes our free enterprise
system so wonderful. Anyone in the barnyard can earn as much as he wants.
But under our modern government regulations,
the productive workers
must divide the fruits of their labor
with those who are lazy and idle.'
And they all lived happily ever after,
including the little red hen, who
smiled and clucked, 'I am grateful,
for now I truly understand.'
But her neighbors became quite disappointed in her.
She never again baked bread because she joined the 'party' and got her bread for free.
And all the Democrats smiled.
'Fairness' had been established.
Individual initiative had died, but nobody noticed;
perhaps no one cared....
as long as there was free bread
that 'the rich' were paying for.
Onward and Upward!
- Kares4Rush
- Posts: 3191
- Joined: Thu Nov 13, 2003 9:31 am
- Location: New York
- Kares4Rush
- Posts: 3191
- Joined: Thu Nov 13, 2003 9:31 am
- Location: New York
A young woman was about to finish her first year of college. Like so many others her age, she considered herself to be a very liberal Democrat, and among other liberal ideals, was very much in favor of higher taxes to support more government programs, in other words, the redistribution of
wealth.
She was deeply ashamed that her father was a rather staunch Republican, a feeling he openly expressed. Based on the lectures that she had participated in, and the occasional chat with a professor, she felt that her father had for years harbored an evil, selfish desire to keep what he thought should be his.
One day she was challenging her father on his opposition to higher taxes on the rich and the need for more government programs. The self-professed objectivity proclaimed by her professors had to be the truth and she indicated as much to her father. He responded by asking how she was doing in
school.
Taken aback, she answered rather haughtily that she had a 4.0 GPA, and let him know that it was tough to maintain, insisting that she was taking a very difficult course load and was constantly studying, which left her no time
to go out and party like many other people she knew. She didn't even have time for a boyfriend, and didn't really have many college friends because she spent all her time studying.
Her father listened then asked, "How is your friend Audrey doing?" She replied, "Audrey is barely getting by. All she takes are easy classes, she never studies, and she barely has a 2.0 GPA. She is so popular on campus, college for her is a blast. She's always invited to all the parties, and
lots of times she doesn't even show up for classes because she's too hung over."
Her father asked her, "Why don't you go to the Dean's office and ask him to deduct a 1.0 off of your GPA and give it to your friend Audrey, who only has a 2.0. That way you will both have a 3.0 GPA and certainly that would be a
fair and equal distribution of GPAs."
The daughter, visibly shocked by her father's suggestion, angrily fired back, "That's a crazy idea. How would that be fair? I've worked really hard for my grades! I've invested a lot of time, and a lot of hard work. Audrey has done next to nothing toward her degree. She has played while I worked
my tail off!"
The father slowly smiled, winked and said gently: "Congratulations, welcome to the Republican Party."
wealth.
She was deeply ashamed that her father was a rather staunch Republican, a feeling he openly expressed. Based on the lectures that she had participated in, and the occasional chat with a professor, she felt that her father had for years harbored an evil, selfish desire to keep what he thought should be his.
One day she was challenging her father on his opposition to higher taxes on the rich and the need for more government programs. The self-professed objectivity proclaimed by her professors had to be the truth and she indicated as much to her father. He responded by asking how she was doing in
school.
Taken aback, she answered rather haughtily that she had a 4.0 GPA, and let him know that it was tough to maintain, insisting that she was taking a very difficult course load and was constantly studying, which left her no time
to go out and party like many other people she knew. She didn't even have time for a boyfriend, and didn't really have many college friends because she spent all her time studying.
Her father listened then asked, "How is your friend Audrey doing?" She replied, "Audrey is barely getting by. All she takes are easy classes, she never studies, and she barely has a 2.0 GPA. She is so popular on campus, college for her is a blast. She's always invited to all the parties, and
lots of times she doesn't even show up for classes because she's too hung over."
Her father asked her, "Why don't you go to the Dean's office and ask him to deduct a 1.0 off of your GPA and give it to your friend Audrey, who only has a 2.0. That way you will both have a 3.0 GPA and certainly that would be a
fair and equal distribution of GPAs."
The daughter, visibly shocked by her father's suggestion, angrily fired back, "That's a crazy idea. How would that be fair? I've worked really hard for my grades! I've invested a lot of time, and a lot of hard work. Audrey has done next to nothing toward her degree. She has played while I worked
my tail off!"
The father slowly smiled, winked and said gently: "Congratulations, welcome to the Republican Party."
Onward and Upward!
- Big Blue Owl
- Posts: 7457
- Joined: Thu Aug 17, 2006 7:31 am
- Location: Somewhere between the darkness and the light
Yes, but to make this a political joke, you have to imagine your least favorite male politician nudeKares4Rush wrote:OK, Funny is funny and that was kinda funny.
Can we make fun of the men's body parts now?
30 Things Never to Say to a Naked Man...
1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahhhh, it's cute.
3. Why don't we just cuddle?
4. You know they have surgery to fix that.
5. Make it dance.
6. Can I paint a smiley face on it?
7. Wow, and your feet are so big.
8. It's OK, we'll work around it.
9. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
10. Oh no... a flash headache.
11. (giggle and point)
12. Can I be honest with you?
13. How sweet, you brought incense.
14. This explains your car.
15. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
16. Why is God punishing me?
17. At least this won't take long.
18. I never saw one like that before.
19. But it still works, right?
20. It looks so unused.
21. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
22. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
23. Are you cold?
24. If you get me real drunk first.
25. Is that an optical illusion?
26. What is that?
27. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
28. Does it come with an air pump?
29. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
30. I guess this makes me the 'early bird'.